REBUILD THE MACHINE: A DFB World Cup 2026 Crowdfunding Campaign
Germany's 2026 World Cup squad rewritten as a Kickstarter campaign: four trophies on the shelf, two consecutive group-stage exits in the vault, Wirtz and Musiala as the product, Neuer at 40 as a sentimental add-on, and a striker problem disclosed upfront as a Known Risk. Group E or bust.
🦅 REBUILD THE MACHINE: A DFB World Cup 2026 Crowdfunding Campaign
Campaign by: Deutscher Fußball-Bund (DFB) | Category: Sports & Recreation | Location: Germany, Group E
"We had the machine. We broke it. We are rebuilding the machine. We just need your belief."— Julian Nagelsmann, Head Coach, Equity Tier B Backer
About this project
Hello, backers.
You know us. We are Germany.
Four World Cups. 1954. 1974. 1990. 2014. You remember 2014, yes? We scored seven goals against Brazil in a single game, on Brazilian soil, in front of 74,000 Brazilians.1 That was us. That was the machine.
Then we broke it.
2018: eliminated in the group stage by South Korea. South Korea. The reigning world champions, sent home by the team that had just played their first World Cup. We don't talk about 2018.2
2022: eliminated in the group stage again, this time on goal differential. The Japanese had our number. We don't talk about 2022 either.3
Two consecutive group stage exits. Six years of rebuilding. We have spent this time doing what Germans do best: creating an extremely detailed plan, naming a young visionary to execute it, and generating a lot of very passionate online content.
We are ready to try again. But we cannot do it without your belief.
What we are building
The New Machine. Same reliable German engineering. Different parts. Most of the rust removed.
Our lead developer, Julian Nagelsmann (age 38, formerly of Bayern Munich, previously of RB Leipzig, perpetually of the future), has assembled a 26-man squad that represents Germany's most exciting generation in over a decade.4 Here is where your money — your belief — goes:
🔑 The Creative Core (Tier 1 allocation)
Florian Wirtz (23, now Liverpool) and Jamal Musiala (23, Bayern Munich) are the reason you should back this project. Wirtz: a midfielder-forward who can break through any defense, described by Nagelsmann as "exceptional at breaking through deep-lying defences." Musiala: the standout performer at Euro 2024, returning from a broken leg and ankle dislocation suffered at the FIFA Club World Cup last summer.4 Nagelsmann says Musiala "even at 95 percent is one of the outstanding players in world football." We are choosing to focus on the 95 percent.
Also from Bayern: Lennart Karl (18), who scored as Bayern's youngest-ever Champions League scorer this season, and whose dribbling has been compared to Messi.3 He is a teenager. We are aware of this.
🧱 The Reliable Infrastructure (Tier 2 allocation)
Captain Joshua Kimmich leads the defense at right-back, as steady as a German engineering specification from 2015 and equally difficult to update.4 Nico Schlotterbeck (Dortmund) and Jonathan Tah (Bayern) form the centre-back pairing. David Raum (Leipzig) is at left-back. Nagelsmann called Raum "like chewing gum in the group." This was meant as a compliment.
Antonio Rüdiger (Real Madrid) — veteran defender, previously our most reliable component — had an injury-hit season in Madrid but made the squad. He is listed here under "load-bearing structural elements we really hope don't fall over."
🤷 The Striker Question (Known Risk, Disclosed Upfront)
We will be transparent with our backers: we have a striker problem.
Niclas Füllkrug — the striker with the personality of a man who would also fix your boiler — had a terrible season and was not selected.3 Kai Havertz (Arsenal) will likely play as a false nine, which is not his best position. Nick Woltemade (Newcastle) is 6'4" and very physical; Nagelsmann suggests he offers "a different approach no other candidate can provide." That approach is: being very tall. Deniz Undav (Stuttgart) finished as the top German scorer in the Bundesliga this season with 19 goals. He is the backup.4
We acknowledge the striker situation. We have acknowledged it publicly. We have set up a separate working group to continue acknowledging it.
👴 The Legacy Component (Sentimental Add-On)
Manuel Neuer is 40 years old. He announced his retirement from international football. Then he un-retired. He will be Germany's starting goalkeeper at his fifth World Cup.3 His last Champions League action was saving a Mbappé shot in the quarter-final against Real Madrid. He still has it. We think. We are keeping him for backer morale as much as for football reasons.
What we have already achieved
Since our last two crowdfunding failures (codename: Russia 2018, Qatar 2022), we have delivered the following milestones:
- Hired Nagelsmann (September 2023): installed the young visionary who speaks fluent press-conference English and owns extremely good suits
- Euro 2024 host nation run: reached the quarter-finals on home soil before losing to Spain in extra time — the most impressive Germany exit in six years3
- World Cup qualifying: six games, five wins, smooth passage to USA/Canada/Mexico
- Developed two generational talents simultaneously: Wirtz and Musiala are both 23. The odds of this happening were low. We got lucky. We are telling you about it.
Risks and challenges
We will not hide from our backers. Full transparency is a German value, along with punctuality and making excellent sedans.
| Risk | Severity | Mitigation |
|---|---|---|
| Musiala not at full fitness | High | Nagelsmann says "95% is still exceptional." We are hoping 95% is enough. |
| Striker position unresolved | High | Havertz has 21 international goals. He has scored from false-nine before. Probably. |
| Wirtz's slow start at Liverpool | Medium | He found form by spring. We are choosing spring Wirtz. |
| Rüdiger injury history | Medium | He made the squad. He has made it this far before. |
| Neuer is 40 | Low-Medium | He stopped Mbappé four months ago. We are running with this. |
| Leroy Sané form at Galatasaray | Medium | We have Jamie Leweling. He is from Stuttgart. |
| Two group-stage exits in a row becoming three | Existential | See: this entire campaign. |
Group E opponents: Curaçao (June 14), Côte d'Ivoire (June 20), Ecuador (June 25). On paper, Germany is the heavy favorite.5 Ecuador finished second in CONMEBOL qualifying above Brazil, conceding five goals in 18 games. We have noted this. Our working group has been notified.
Backer tiers
🥉 WORRIED FAN — $5
You get: access to our private Discord where we will discuss whether the striker situation is fine or not fine. Spoiler: it is not fine. But we are working on it.
🥈 DIE-HARD BELIEVER — $25
You get: a PDF of Nagelsmann's tactical setup, titled "4-2-3-1: Why This Time Is Different." Also, our personal assurance that we have looked at the 2018 tape. Several times.
🥇 PATIENT OPTIMIST — $100
You get: a framed print of the 7-1 scoreboard from 2014, suitable for hanging in rooms where you need to feel better about the present. Includes a hand-signed note from our campaign team reading: "We did it once. We remember how."
🏆 LEGACY BACKER — $1,000
You get: one Zoom call with a DFB intern who will explain, with full sincerity, why Manuel Neuer being 40 is actually a tactical advantage. The call is 12 minutes. We have timed it.
Frequently asked questions
Q: Didn't you already run this campaign in 2022?
A: That was a different campaign. Different coach. Different vibes. Please do not compare them.
Q: Why should we trust you this time?
A: Florian Wirtz and Jamal Musiala are both 23. When have two 23-year-old generational talents ever let a major nation down? (Please do not cite examples.)
Q: What happens if you go out in the group stage again?
A: Our post-campaign survey will be very thorough. We will learn many things. We will publish a report. The report will have excellent graphics.
Q: Is Musiala healthy?
A: He is "getting better and better," per Nagelsmann. We are choosing to interpret "better and better" as "fully fit and ready." This interpretation has not been formally confirmed.
A note from the campaign team
Germany has won the World Cup four times. The record is five, held by Brazil.3 We would like to match that.
We have Wirtz and Musiala. We have Kimmich as captain. We have Neuer, defying biology in goal. We have a head coach who, at 38, is young enough to still be angry about the South Korea game.
The machine is rebuilt. It is running. There is a slight noise coming from the striker position that we are monitoring.
Back us.
#MatchRewritten
Campaign by DFB, filed under "Projects We Really Need To Work This Time." Stretch goal: penalty shootout composure. We have never hit our stretch goals.
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